Mythology Monday!

Alright, kids, I've decided to talk about Mythology and/or Greek History every Monday because:

1. I love mythology/Greek history/awesome things
2. I am a nerd and a half
3. Greek myths are awesome, and most people don't know that much about them.
   

If I happen to get a detail or two wrong, I'm sorry, and please feel free to correct me immediately.

Our subject for today: The Life and Times of Medusa, and the Birth of Pegasus (They are related, I promise)

See, Medusa is pretty misunderstood. She wasn't always a crazy snake-haired bitch. And most people also don't know that she sort of had a child....kind of.

Originally, Medusa was a beautiful woman. And all the dudes were all "Oo!" and wanted to make lots of Greek babies with her. Including the Gods.

Poseidon, the God of the sea, was all "Hurh hurh, I'd thrust my trident in HER waters, if you get my drift."
Clearly Poseidon had a 3-pronged cock.
So, since the Gods always get what they want, Poseidon set out to seduce Medusa.

Which he did.
As a stallion.

Apparently the Gods thought all of us mortals were all about beastiality (except for Perseus' mother, who apparently enjoyed golden showers. More about that later), so Poseidon rides up as this big, fancy horse, and Medusa is all "I HEART HORSE DICK!" and is successfully seduced.

Problem: There's really nowhere to go to have wild horse/human sex where no one will see them, so they have the brilliant idea to go at it in Athena's temple, where I think Medusa was a priestess.

Athena catches them (Duh.) and is PISSED. AS. HELL.
Except she can't really punish Poseidon, because he's a God and is also technically her Uncle, so she takes her wrath out on Medusa, turning her beautiful hair into snakes and making her face so hideous that it turns men to stone if they so much as look at it.

So Medusa runs away and lives in a cave or something to that effect, all depressed because she can't have a boyfriend (well...a warm, living, breathing one anyway).

Then, all of a sudden, Perseus appears! Hurray, a dude!
Too bad he wants to kill her and steal her head!
Which he does, because he's got Athena and Hermes on his side, and its hard to lose when the odds are stacked that heavily in your favor.
Plus he had flying sandals. You can't lose with flying sandals.

Perseus succeeds in cutting off Medusa's head, and as soon as it's severed, a giant winged horse pops out of her neck. Because that makes complete and total sense and is clearly the way winged horses are supposed to come into being, you know, by completely defying the physics and anatomy of the human body.
...though I guess having snakes for hair also sort of defies the anatomy of the human body.
Maybe the real Medusa just had dreadlocks and didn't shower ever, so the stench of her body killed anyone who came too close.
Who knew hippies existed back then?

I guess Pegasus is the child of Medusa and Poseidon, though that doesn't make sense, because Stallion/God + Pretty girl does not equal = Giant horse of wonder and joy with wings.

FUN FACT: Perseus never actually rides Pegasus. The only person who ever rode Pegasus was Bellerophon, who was retarded and decided to try and be a badass and break into Mount Olympos to hang out with the Gods. Needless to say, that didn't work. Zeus sent a fly down to sting Pegasus, who then threw Bellerophon off. Bellerophon then fell to his death.

Moral of the story: If you're going to have wild, crazy horse sex, stay away from greek temples. You will get pregnant and you will get turned into a horrible monster. AKA get herpes and/or syphilis. This story was actually an abstinince advertisement back in the day.

Haha just kidding. The greeks had sex all the time.
In fact, I heard once that there used to be a plant that was a natural birth control, and the Greeks ate it out of existance.

Not that I blame them, to be honest.